Update

Wow,

I haven't written anything in a very long time.

Well, I've been going through so much lately. I smile on the outside but there's a war going on. A war that most people know nothing about. Its a constant battle against myself. I'm fighting against my desires. I'm fighting against my dreams. I'm fighting this war every single day.

Most days, I go to work and the first thing I think is, "Its all for a paycheck." I've been at this job of mine for a little over a year now. I hate it with everything that I am. There's nothing exciting or benefiting except the paycheck. I'm not happy when I'm there. Of course I smile and put my best foot forward regardless but I'm dying inside.

I had this long discussion with my parents and one of their friends about how much I hate my job and how I want to quit. I figure, I live at home (rent-free) and now would be the best time for me to just go ahead and go try new things while I don't have too many expenses. They saw my reasoning to be quite selfish. "Do you know how many people wish they had a job right now!? You complain that you do nothing when you go to work, I'd love to be paid to do nothing."

Okay, granted, the economy is n a really bad state right now and I'm really grateful to be employed. (Truly I am). However, I feel like my staying here is a huge hindrance. All its

doing is creating a gap in my resume in my opinion.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm waiting on a sign from the Lord because everything I've tried isn't working and only He can help me at this point. I really just don't know what to do or how to do. I just really want happiness. I seriously don't know how much more of this I can endure.

In happier news,

Shout out to my boy Jermaine. You guys may know him as J. Cole. I told you guys about him in a few posts back. Since then, he has been featured on Jay-z's Platinum selling album, "Blueprint III."

"Go figure. A slow transition from a lil' broke nigga from the 'Ville, got a deal..."

- J. Cole

I'm so proud of this guy. If you haven't heard it yet, download "The Warm Up." Its a really good listen.

I'd also like to give a huge congrats to my big sister, Nichelle, for two big things; Merging with

"Salon Blue," renowned bridal salon and spa, as well as becoming a hair stylist for the hit TV show, Project Runway!

Here she is pictured with last seasons Project Runway finalist, Kenley, at fashion week.

You go girl! Isn't she beautiful!?